Dichotomy
dichotomy
4: something with seemingly contradictory qualities
I have been often asked by my friends who don’t have children what being a parent is like. I’ve never been really able to explain it outside of saying it’s the difference between having someone tell you about skydiving and experiencing it for yourself.
Recently, I’ve switched that standby response to one of the defined word that is the title of this blog. I’m not the first to hold this sentiment. The phrase “Parenting is the hardest job you’ll ever love” is very popular. But with each passing month, I’m seeing that being a parent is full of contradictory forces.
There are several examples of this:
• Becoming a parent instantly transforms you into simultaneously selfless and self centered person. Bringing a child home puts you into a situation of endless servitude to a relatively unappreciating master. You really give up yourself to toil the days beckoning to their every whim, grabbing moments of peace and sleep when you can. All done for the love of you child. But at the same time, you become enthralled into your own world, most likely with your parenting partner, obsessing about every intellectual advancement, health status, and general mood of your child. Even though children have been learning how to say “Dada” for thousands of years, because it’s your child doing so, it feels like the greatest accomplishment humankind has ever seen. Riley showed understanding of association for the first time the other day, and it’s all I can do to not talk about it constantly.
• The evolution of your relationship with your child is counter intuitive. When you bring your child home from the hospital, it is at the point where they need you most, yet you know them least and at their least interesting. As a newborn, you cannot put your child down for more than 30 seconds awake and 2 hours sleeping. Also as a newborn, they have almost zero interaction, making them generally pretty boring. As your child grows, so does your relationship with them. They become more and more interesting and you love them more and more just as they need you less and less. In fact, the ultimate twist of fate is that (from what I hear), once your child turns 18 and finally becomes an adult and a complete human being who you’d want to hang out with is the exact moment they move away. That seems like a cruel joke.
• Currently, Jessica and I are very stringent about Riley getting a meat, vegetable, fruit, and bread with milk for every dinner she eats. Often the fruit and vegetables are organic. We then have a Tombstone pizza and soda for our own meal. Maybe that’s more of being hypocritical, but the need for us eating a frozen pizza is created by the act of spending so much time preparing her food.
• I think most parents wouldn’t trade anything in the world for their experiences with their kids. But they also have concurrent occasional longing for a responsibility free lifestyle. It’s a weird mindset to have.
• New parents have this interesting trait in which you are completely bewildered at what the hell we are doing, but at the same time are very opinionated about child rearing. It’s a weird mix of ignorance and arrogance. You have no idea if it’s okay that your child hasn’t pooped in 3 days. You try to be a sponge of information from doctors, families, and friends of what is normal and what’s not normal. Babies do a lot of weird things that you have zero idea on whether you should be worried about. At the same time, ask any parent their opinion on something as trivial as Juice and suddenly everyone is a nutritionalist, able to tell you the exact study that links early juice consumption with decreased algebra test scores later in life.
I’m sure there are plenty of more examples. I haven’t even touched on the contradiction of telling your kids to not do all the things you did growing up. Regardless, “it’s a world of dichotomy” will be my standard response to “what’s being a dad like” moving forward.
4: something with seemingly contradictory qualities
I have been often asked by my friends who don’t have children what being a parent is like. I’ve never been really able to explain it outside of saying it’s the difference between having someone tell you about skydiving and experiencing it for yourself.
Recently, I’ve switched that standby response to one of the defined word that is the title of this blog. I’m not the first to hold this sentiment. The phrase “Parenting is the hardest job you’ll ever love” is very popular. But with each passing month, I’m seeing that being a parent is full of contradictory forces.
There are several examples of this:
• Becoming a parent instantly transforms you into simultaneously selfless and self centered person. Bringing a child home puts you into a situation of endless servitude to a relatively unappreciating master. You really give up yourself to toil the days beckoning to their every whim, grabbing moments of peace and sleep when you can. All done for the love of you child. But at the same time, you become enthralled into your own world, most likely with your parenting partner, obsessing about every intellectual advancement, health status, and general mood of your child. Even though children have been learning how to say “Dada” for thousands of years, because it’s your child doing so, it feels like the greatest accomplishment humankind has ever seen. Riley showed understanding of association for the first time the other day, and it’s all I can do to not talk about it constantly.
• The evolution of your relationship with your child is counter intuitive. When you bring your child home from the hospital, it is at the point where they need you most, yet you know them least and at their least interesting. As a newborn, you cannot put your child down for more than 30 seconds awake and 2 hours sleeping. Also as a newborn, they have almost zero interaction, making them generally pretty boring. As your child grows, so does your relationship with them. They become more and more interesting and you love them more and more just as they need you less and less. In fact, the ultimate twist of fate is that (from what I hear), once your child turns 18 and finally becomes an adult and a complete human being who you’d want to hang out with is the exact moment they move away. That seems like a cruel joke.
• Currently, Jessica and I are very stringent about Riley getting a meat, vegetable, fruit, and bread with milk for every dinner she eats. Often the fruit and vegetables are organic. We then have a Tombstone pizza and soda for our own meal. Maybe that’s more of being hypocritical, but the need for us eating a frozen pizza is created by the act of spending so much time preparing her food.
• I think most parents wouldn’t trade anything in the world for their experiences with their kids. But they also have concurrent occasional longing for a responsibility free lifestyle. It’s a weird mindset to have.
• New parents have this interesting trait in which you are completely bewildered at what the hell we are doing, but at the same time are very opinionated about child rearing. It’s a weird mix of ignorance and arrogance. You have no idea if it’s okay that your child hasn’t pooped in 3 days. You try to be a sponge of information from doctors, families, and friends of what is normal and what’s not normal. Babies do a lot of weird things that you have zero idea on whether you should be worried about. At the same time, ask any parent their opinion on something as trivial as Juice and suddenly everyone is a nutritionalist, able to tell you the exact study that links early juice consumption with decreased algebra test scores later in life.
I’m sure there are plenty of more examples. I haven’t even touched on the contradiction of telling your kids to not do all the things you did growing up. Regardless, “it’s a world of dichotomy” will be my standard response to “what’s being a dad like” moving forward.
posted by Roark_8 at 2:26 PM
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