Texas 2 Step

When I was 16, for the first time in my life, I was expected to get my parents their christmas gifts by myself. I had a license now and a job, so it was a new responsibility. I had long been selecting the items, but they were screened and paid for by the non-gift receiving parent.

I went out to Target and like any self involved teenager, I spent little time on the gift selection process and grabbed a couple of items, took them home and wrapped them up. On Christmas morning, my mother opened up her gift from me and pulled out a left handed coffee mug. My heart sank. Evidently, in my mental haze created by thoughts of the skirt that Megan Wolfe wore last Friday and Street Fighter 2 strategy, I thought this item was a good gift for the woman who raised me.

Outside of the now blaringly obvious reasons of a mug being an ultra thoughtless and corny gift, my shame was worsened by the realization that:
1) My mother didn't drink coffee nor had she ever A DAY IN HER LIFE. Something in 16 years, one would think that I would pick up on.
2) My father's increasing coffee mug collection was starting to drive my mom crazy, so another mug in the cupboard was about as needed as a proverbial hole in the noggin.

I've never fully forgiven myself for this complete lapse in judgment. Sure, I was 16 and being self involved is what teenagers do. And sure, if giving a crappy gift is high on my list of childhood failures, then I gave my parents a pretty easy time in bringing me up.

Error and redemption is obviously part of the human path. Someone once said to me that the point of life is to learn from each of your mistakes and move on, hopefully a better person because of it. I have always been good about learning from my mistakes. Learning my lesson is something I'm good at. It's just the forgiving myself for making them which has been the stickler for me. I have tried to be easier on myself in recent memory, but easier said than done.

Maybe I'm no different than most. I suppose we all have things in our past that when they cross our minds we cringe. And I'm finding that maturity is helping me shrug off a misstep a bit easier.

I say all of this because with a new job, new house, etc. I'm happy to be at a place in which I can afford myself a little more leeway than I have in the past. I've definitely felt a little overwhelmed by a step up into the big leagues in terms of job responsibilites and home repair, but am realizing that half of my battle in life is just having the confidence in putting my head down and trudge forward. A misstep often is still a step forward.

Tube of Boob

The slow and painful process of finding work has been taxing, but I think more so because of my current living arrangements. Along with a lack of job to go to, I have to go to the public library to leech their free wireless in order to plug into the internets.

Which makes time at home pretty boring. In the past, if I had an hour, playing a $5 Sit N Go on Pokerstars was a wonderfully entertaining way to use my time. Now, this is gone. And I realized without employment, I can't get myself relaxed enough to enjoy a good book.

All of this has meant I find myself surfing the satelite dish and watching way too much ESPN Classic. I'm ashamed to admit that I now have an insight in a set of commercials that I've seen far too many times:

eHarmony.com advertises on ESPN Classic alot. Its a good market (lonely 25-40 year old men) for them so I don't fault them for that. And yes that plastic faced CEO who gives you the creepy talk in all of their comercials is offputting. But for me, the guy that makes me squirm to no end is the guy who says "You can find the woman who wants to watch the game with you on Monday nights." He's got blond hair and a mundane sweater. My first thought was how sad is it that tops on his list for partners is her ability to watch sports. But hey, to each their own. What gets me, (and here is where the watching too many hours of ESPN shows), as after watching all the different versions of the eHarmony.com commercials (and there are quite a few), is that the Sport's guy's partner talks only once. He says quite a few things other than the "find a partner that wants to watch football" but she's always submissively quiet. And the one time she does say something? He prompts her! Its almost like in his application with eHarmony he checked the "wife must only speak when spoken to" box.

So this is my life. Worrying about the welfare of women on online dating services commercials.