Texas 2 Step

When I was 16, for the first time in my life, I was expected to get my parents their christmas gifts by myself. I had a license now and a job, so it was a new responsibility. I had long been selecting the items, but they were screened and paid for by the non-gift receiving parent.

I went out to Target and like any self involved teenager, I spent little time on the gift selection process and grabbed a couple of items, took them home and wrapped them up. On Christmas morning, my mother opened up her gift from me and pulled out a left handed coffee mug. My heart sank. Evidently, in my mental haze created by thoughts of the skirt that Megan Wolfe wore last Friday and Street Fighter 2 strategy, I thought this item was a good gift for the woman who raised me.

Outside of the now blaringly obvious reasons of a mug being an ultra thoughtless and corny gift, my shame was worsened by the realization that:
1) My mother didn't drink coffee nor had she ever A DAY IN HER LIFE. Something in 16 years, one would think that I would pick up on.
2) My father's increasing coffee mug collection was starting to drive my mom crazy, so another mug in the cupboard was about as needed as a proverbial hole in the noggin.

I've never fully forgiven myself for this complete lapse in judgment. Sure, I was 16 and being self involved is what teenagers do. And sure, if giving a crappy gift is high on my list of childhood failures, then I gave my parents a pretty easy time in bringing me up.

Error and redemption is obviously part of the human path. Someone once said to me that the point of life is to learn from each of your mistakes and move on, hopefully a better person because of it. I have always been good about learning from my mistakes. Learning my lesson is something I'm good at. It's just the forgiving myself for making them which has been the stickler for me. I have tried to be easier on myself in recent memory, but easier said than done.

Maybe I'm no different than most. I suppose we all have things in our past that when they cross our minds we cringe. And I'm finding that maturity is helping me shrug off a misstep a bit easier.

I say all of this because with a new job, new house, etc. I'm happy to be at a place in which I can afford myself a little more leeway than I have in the past. I've definitely felt a little overwhelmed by a step up into the big leagues in terms of job responsibilites and home repair, but am realizing that half of my battle in life is just having the confidence in putting my head down and trudge forward. A misstep often is still a step forward.